One thing I dreaded most as a child was not fitting in.
I had some friends, but never quite anyone whom I had a close connection with. Never had that one friend who knew me for me. I cycled through friendships where I’d still feel a void.
And with no siblings or cousins my age, my mom inevitably served the role as my best friend. Although we bickered back and forth over many things, she was always the only person I could lean on for support.
In elementary school especially, this was an area that I struggled greatly with. While everyone else had friends they’d hang out with on school nights and weekends, I’d spend most of my time going out with her. Nail appointments, shopping sprees, restaurant dates, she was always there.
This went on from the time I was a little girl in elementary school which till the very beginning of my college years.
I remember the pain and even embarrassment of not always doing things with my peers. This is not to say that I did not enjoy the time spent with my mom (which I am most appreciative for even more now that I’m older ❤️). Just honestly didn’t feel good at the time that I couldn’t relate with most people my age.
And even though it hurt badly, I definitely can look back now with gratitude for her filling in that gap. Even in my later years, in high school where I began to socialize a lot more and mingle with different people, there were still moments where I still needed my mom. Whenever someone was unavailable or bailed, she was ready to pick up from behind them.
Whether or not I had realized, she was the main person that was always consistent in my life. In focusing so hard on chasing the approval of others, I failed to realize that she was the one person who cared enough to stay by my side consistently. And even though it may not have seemed like “enough”, I’m glad I had someone there by my side to keep me standing.
For those of who you are hurting because you have no friends, I will say this:
School may feel permanent, but it is temporary and things definitely do turn around. Life outside of school does exist and the tables do turn because when you get older, no one cares about who’s “popular” and who’s “not”.
We always hear our parents tell us these things yet we don’t listen. It wasn’t until I was in college that I realized cliques do not matter. The identity I carried in elementary and high school years did not follow me around. In fact, this has been the time that I’ve been able to break out of my shell, and let loose!
So to those of you stuck in a place where you feel the pain never ends, I encourage you to bear through it. You are not in the wrong for wanting what you want. But remember to let patience have its perfect work. (James 1:4) You cannot want just anyone to come into your life without adding substance. Allow for God’s timing to take place. Don’t wait around on someone to come in and make you happy. With all that time to yourself, learn to feel secure. And don’t waste your years trying to people please because you will miss out on discovering the great person you are!
What God has revealed to me later on in life:
Being different is okay.
As His children, we are meant to be different from everyone else. We are meant to stand differently from the average individual (down to the way we think, talk and act). Our back stories are not meant to all be the same for He gives us each something that caters towards our specific purpose.
Had I known there was nothing wrong with being “too quiet” or “too reserved”, I wouldn’t have been so hard on myself. I wouldn’t have hated the person I was or blamed myself (and even God) for the direction my life took. Because in the pain I had experienced, God was birthing my purpose. There would be no way to experience true joy and contentment had I not went through seasons of loneliness and hurt. Had I not went through trials, I wouldn’t be able to use my story now to encourage others to stay patient and endure the wait.
If you are someone who feels they have no one, or someone who has people around them but still feels emptiness inside, remember to acknowledge who is already there and present in your life. Do not become obsessed with quantity that you overlook quality. There is always a person out there (whether or not you know it) who is watching over you. It can be a parent, relative, friend, classmate, teacher, counselor, etc.
God will always send us someone in the physical form to make sure we are okay. But again, do not get so caught up in not having that person who gets you. God made you, and understands the stages that you are going through. He knows you are hurting, and is simply waiting on you lean on Him for wisdom and understanding. When you get lost in God, you really do become stronger mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
” But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” (1 Peter 2:9 KJV)
Do not go on in life blaming others for what you have experienced because they only knew how to love based on how they were raised. When we do not learn from our mistakes, the cycle of pain continues on until corrected. Continue to show them love and mercy, and pray continuously for both your heart and their heart to be softened.
During your journey, keep hope because your time to shine will arrive. Learn to forgive yourself and others so that you can live freely from hurt. And in the process, count your blessings and be grateful for them because in following Christ, there is a much greater promise that is heading your way.
Disclaimer: After reviewing this post, I felt it would be appropriate to edit the content and clarify what my message is. My story is something that many people during the time being were not aware of (hence the blog name haha) Most of what I wrote in the beginning related strongly with my experience in middle school/junior high. In high school, I definitely spoke with more people. As written in the Hidden Testimony, as well as other posts, I made mention that I did in fact have friends, however did not have solid friendships that were long lasting. In both instances ( aka schools) however, I still struggled in that area. In high school, there were moments where my mom had filled in when my friends and I stopped talking. If there was a misunderstanding, confrontation or plain and simple there was no one around to hang out or wanted (or could) to do the things I wanted to. With age comes wisdom and you learn who is really for you and cares for your best interest. You don’t hold anyone against it because the mature thing to do is to forgive, let go and continue moving forward.
You can still feel isolation and separation even in the presence of someone else, it is normal and many people have went through it. Unfortunately, not everyone will take great liking to the things you have to say, deciding what did and did not happen…and again that is okay. The power of healing from your past is that you no longer hold on to any pain. You know how to address a situation and most importantly are aware of when and when not to respond. Continue your walk knowing that Christ is with you, and that no form against you will rise. Most importantly, move when He tells you to move and do not stop because of criticism that someone else passes down to you. Continue to share your story to empower others dealing with the same/similar struggle. Never silence yourself because your testimony is for someone else who needs it!