So often we hear the phrase, “just think positive thoughts, and good things will come.” But what if the people around us aren’t happy? What if their words aren’t encouraging? What if we left their presence feeling worse than we did coming in?
Sometimes it’s not all about “thinking the right thoughts”, or “saying the right things” but also guarding your spirit. Protect yourself from the territory that causes you emotional, spiritual and physical distress.
Sometimes the people around us are toxic, point blank period. That’s not mean to admit, rightfully so it’s the truth.
By no means does this mean you are responsible for tending to them. Do not believe the lie in your mind telling you your a horrible person for creating distance. Do not go on and on in some tangent thought reminding yourself how much they need you. What they need is a want to be at peace with themselves. What they need from you is to learn that they cannot control someone else to compensate for their personal void. If that person is truly suffering from pain, you (another person) cannot be responsible for their healing. Never fall victim to the claim that it is up to you to fix someone. You are not an antidote for another human being, lose the super hero cape and leave it to God to fix!
It happens to the best of us. Especially when your heart is big, all you want to do is see people happy. But at what cost?
At the cost of your peace of mind?
At the cost of your health?
A the cost of your emotional state and sanity?
In fear of loneliness, many will cleave to unhealthy relationships. Holding unto the very thing that destroys them just because it suits their comfort levels.
Well I am here to tell you that if you want joy (not happiness, as this is temporary), make the sacrifice! Say “no” to relationships that are damaging your self esteem and self image. Say “no “to relationships that do not promote your growth and well being!
And before you leave here thinking that is where it ends, nope because this is only the beginning of it.
Really analyze yourself and think about the person you are. What is your character: strong suits and weakness? Why do you think you’ve attracted these people into your lives?
You see, the relationships we encounter are somehow always a reflection of the individual we are inside.
Speaking from personal experience, I sure did not think I was to blame. All of those years of bullying, isolation and toxicity, it was simple to play the victim. The easy route is always skipping the self evaluation portion, and pointing the finger elsewhere.
“It’s not me, it’s him/her.”
“It’s really not my fault, people are just so mean.”
In failing to see myself, I only acknowledged the hurt and pain others were causing me. But what kind of friend was I truly? I lied, gossiped (and yes gossiping still counts even when you aren’t the one saying anything because you are still enabling others around you to do it), held grudges, gave attitude, thought negatively, and in large part played a role in my isolation from everyone else. Because of the pain I endured in elementary school, I felt that everyone was going to hurt me. Thought I could never feel safe from anyone, and the only way to be secure is to take part of that cycle of pain. And in the end, I only lost myself.
What I learned: Rejection is your protection. The people who are meant to be a part of your life will want to see you at your best. They will motivate you, inspire you and build with you. All other influences are just forced attempts to keep company around for the sake of temporary fulfillment.
The way I see it, only a mad man would keep running back to their oppressor. When you arise to the conclusion that nothing in life is forced but instead a choice, I promise you will learn to make better choices. Best of all, once you grasp the concept of cultivating your personal space, it becomes addictive (haha)! Cause in the end, no one knows how to advocate best for you than you!
Just note, before you dive into the next relationship, learn yourself. Identify all remnants from your past that are blocking you from obtaining blessings. Learn your character, preferences, likes and dislikes. Discover what you are really passionate about, and go from there. Everything is according to association. I mean just look at rich people for instance. Many of them hang around those with common shared interests and most importantly, MINDSETS. They are not looking to surround themselves with dead weight but with visionaries looking to make their dreams come to life. They are not looking for someone else to make their dreams come to life, but strive to get it on their own.
Do not be a hindrance to yourself and others. Learn to forgive everyone (including you) for the mistakes you’ve made, and tell yourself you will not be like this forever. Day by day, make it a point to do something different.
Retreat for a while if you must. Just take any measure necessary to ensure you discover your purpose. Because when you realize who you are an acknowledge your worth, you will not be hanging around anyone (family or friends) who compromise your progress, and tells you that you are less than.