Who are you when no one else is around? Are you still cheerful and full of life? Or is there a feeling of incompleteness? I know it may seem like you need these conditions to feel fulfilled, but sadly that only masks the deep rooted issue that lies within.
Naturally as an introvert, I really love my space. Like really love my space.
I can be alone pretty much almost all day. Growing up as an only child especially, I think it’s just in my nature to handle mostly everything by myself. It is what I know best. Lets be honest though, too much alone time is never a good thing. It can drive you insane as the silence becomes too unbearable. While it may start off okay, after day 3 or day 4 in a row, not being around others constantly can start to really make a person feel empty.
At a certain point the same routine grows tiring. The school and work flow can be a real drag, trust me I know.
The mistake though that many people make is that they need to be around someone or something to feel happy. Often times, we enter relationships, jobs and careers hoping that a person or position will rescue us from our loneliness.
“Maybe if I work here, people will respect me.”
“Maybe if I get that promotion, I will finally be someone important.”
“Maybe if I date this person (or become their friend), my life will have meaning.”
This way of thinking becomes problematic because it fosters a mindset of dependency. You become dependent on everything and anything to provide you with security. Unfortunately the value of these things become short lived. Even after receiving what you thought you wanted so desperately, you soon revert back to that state of vulnerability. Before you know it, you are faced again with the core issue at hand.
Keep in Mind
Aloneness is not synonymous with loneliness. Therefore that empty void that you feel is an indicator that there is some self improvement that needs to be made.
Find time in the absence of company to truly explore the things that you love. Don’t just sit around waiting for an opportunity to come because if you do, chances are you will be waiting for a long time.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. ” (Deuteronomy 31:6)
I know it is hard, especially when having to go through it. Even after I became saved, the loneliness traveled with me. I remember praying to God often asking Him to send me friends. Telling Him that I have no one, and that I am in this by myself. He spoke back telling me,”How can I give you friends when you are not even content with the life you live now? What good will it do if I send you someone just so you can latch unto them and ignore Me?”
It is so easy for us to want something in the physical realm. We put much more effort into the things that we desire than we do placing His first.
God knew I was struggling, and losing hope. But in the same instance, He was not about to send me anyone because I was not where I needed to be for myself in order to love and treat those the way they deserve.
“If the Lord had not helped me, I would have gone quickly to the land of silence. I said, ‘I am falling’; but your constant love, O Lord, held me up.” (Psalm 91:15)
In pleading to Him, He brought me the greatest comfort. I started to feel more comfortable in my hours of solitude. Reading and studying His Word no longer felt like a chore but a cure. He gave me a feeling of peace that is so indescribable. He really is a remarkable Being, and without Him, the dissatisfaction would continue to go on.
When you change your perspective on what it means to be alone from bad to good, you will see a significant difference emotionally and spiritually. You will start to take pleasure in private time because you will understand that it is essential to grow. Under no circumstances can you reach elevation when constantly in the presence of someone else. Truthfully so, you can never live up to your best potential if you do not first learn and love the person you are. Discover your personal wants and needs. In order to know this, there has to be an effort first in building your relationship with Him. In finding Him, you will find yourself.
Through reading, meditating, praying and fasting, you will be inviting God in to your inner circle thereby allowing Him to become your first love and greatest friend.
“So the Lord must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help.” (Isaiah 30:18)
Do not be fooled into believing that He does not care for you. The enemy loves to prey on our weaknesses, and fill our mind with lies to deceive us into assuming God doesn’t care. But remember in those darkest hours, God is there as a light to shield and protect you. It may not be easy, and at times it may even feel dreadful, but I promise if you remain faithful and patient along the way, God will meet you halfway. Call on Him to seek wisdom and the fruit of the Spirit, and if you truly believe in what you ask for, He will give you just that.
As time goes on, you will feel so secure with yourself. Whether in a room of one hundred people or in a room of none, your self assurance will never fluctuate because of your deep rooted faith in Christ alone.