Another Valentine’s Day where you feel all lonesome? While it may seem unfair, it certainly is quite common.
During all of elementary and high school, I had not one boyfriend. Relationships just never seemed to align with my path. And for those of you who are in school, you know how taboo that seems.
Each time Valentine’s Day came, I grew so bitter on the inside because I already knew what was bound to come. I would always say “it’s just a stupid day”, knowing deep down I didn’t want to claim that #foreveralone status. I knew I would never be the lucky girl to be showered with gifts. That box of Godiva chocolates and sweet red roses from my shining knight simply was never going to arrive any time soon. And of course it didn’t help that mostly all of my friends had their significant others to hang out with.
In fact, I remember one year where most of my friends all had dates, while the few that didn’t all went out to the movies (and ouch did that hurt not getting the invite). I spent that Valentine’s Day as I did every year…at home alone…yet again.
What makes Valentine’s Day different from any ordinary day is the simple fact that it is the one day of the year that magnifies your aloneness. It is a painful reminder of the rejection from those who just do not view you as you view them. I mean lets face it, we all want someone to adore us and have someone to adore. Deep down is that longing for emotional and physical support, and when it is not met, it can almost feel so empty.
Something I wish I would’ve truly grasped and accepted is that not having a Valentine really isn’t a “make it or break it” moment.
It is so unfortunate to see how fixated Western culture has become. There is so much pressure in belonging to someone. Even at such a young age, we are bombarded with the concept of dating. You see it with kids as young as 5 years old having their first “puppy love”.
If it isn’t your friends, it’s your family reminding you constantly of your singleness. Not that there is anything wrong with the holiday, or being single for that matter, just doesn’t exactly paint such a realistic image of love. Love isn’t measured by the amount of gifts and attention you receive, and it certainly doesn’t imply that you are “not loved” if you just so happen to be by yourself.
Time and time again we find ourselves so wrapped up in society’s standard of love that we forget the one true love that surpasses all: God
The Root Factor
Starting from early childhood, seeds have been planted to tarnish our self assurance. As mentioned prior in The Hidden Testimony the thieves from our past have robbed us of our hope. Someone in our life has told or caused us to feel like we are undesirable:
Who robbed you of your self-love? ( parent, sibling, relative, and other important figure in your life)
Which person have you cared for that humiliated you or made you feel unworthy?
Why has this experience impacted you so deeply?
To my fellow kings and queens,
Do not get caught up in the phase of infatuation. You don’t have to feel lonely nor do you have to rush for love because you see everyone else doing it. Find contentment in your season of singlehood.
There’s power that lies in self preservation. Oh how I wish I would have truly understood the privilege of not having every guy claim to “have been with me”. As a teenager and young adult, the “innocent card” may feel so insufferable but trust me it does come with its perks. Just know that while everyone else has “there fun”, God is placing you on the reserved shelf for a real and wholesome relationship. He will send you that woman or man who will cater to your needs and treat you as the king or queen you ought to be treated.
But be mindful…before you can move on to that next season, you need to find joy first within yourself. You need to understand who you are as an individual, and discover what it is that you enjoy. Figure out your likes and dislikes, set standards for yourself and others to follow. For only the contentment of any situation can you find your peace of mind.
Singles do not be discouraged for you can still celebrate love. Contrary to what the world says, love is not limited to a “couple only zone”. Do not get so caught up on what you do not have that you forget what the Lord has already done for you! The death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is the greatest love story, truth be told.
“God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)
I encourage you all to continue being kindhearted and grateful. Be reminded of that fact that God’s Love is unconditional. There is no set expectation to fulfill as He has made you and therefore already loves you.
Whether or not you have a Valentine for the day, remember you are equally special in the eyes of the Lord, our true judge. Continue to carry on today with love and joy in your heart. Make no room for comparisons but instead count your blessings. Trust in the One who Created You, and through obedience and faith, He will be the one to pull you through.